Step One: Draw Embarrassing Pictures of Your Boss on the Wall
Step Two: Eat.....EVERYTHING!!!
Step Three: Spill all the coffee you can find. Make it epic!! Make it extreme!! Make your co-workers sob!!!
Step four: Lick a computer. To make this actually have an effect, do it when someone is watching.
Step five: If you're still not fired, put a cactus in the most unlikely place.
With all this, whoever is reading this is officially fired from any company or agency that I may ever own.