Give Yourself A Makeover: The Guide

Are you a slob? Or just really sloppy? I hope you are. It would make my whole day. Because I've written a whole post for you!!! Are you grateful? Well, you should be. And if you aren't, then you should go, now and go into the quiet corner until you learn your manners. Oh goodness, stop being so rude!!! STOP IT OR I'LL SLAP YOU!!! There, better. Wait---on your knees. Perfect. Here is a presentation that I made just for you. Aren't you eternally thankful?
Look, I drew a picture for you!!!

 

 I know that this may be a bit hard to digest, but you can't go on like this. I mean, those shoes are just awful!!! But there is a way. Here is what you should first do:

 

Useful Tip: If you don't have hot glue, then use an iron.

Next, you should...

 

Useful Tip: A sharpie is all right, but black cement stays on longer. Can't find black cement??? You can buy it here!!!

Useful Tip: If you can't find Rachel Zoe, then you should probably become a celebrity.

Useful Tip: If you don't know where to get pink dye, just buy a LOT of blue dye, dye it pink, and apply.

 

Useful Tip: Before you get a piranha, you have to make sure it likes you, which is easy. Just stick your hand into a tank in a local aquarium and you will know very soon.

 

Yayyy!!!!!! You are beautiful. Stop blushing, and accept your gorgeousness. Or else, I'll kick you. 

Love,

umm...

(identity crisis going on here)

PLEASE COMMENT!!!! The more comments I get, the more motivation I have to write more posts. (That was a direct message all of you wonderfully drop-dead-gorgeous readers, sponsored by no one because of the economy.)

How To Get Fired...the weird version

Sick of your job? Hate your boss? Well, you have come to the right place. In these tough economic times, it is hard to find an up-to-date manual on how to get your boss nuts. So, therefore, I present to you, THIS:
Step One: Draw Embarrassing Pictures of Your Boss on the Wall

 Step Two: Eat.....EVERYTHING!!!

 

 Step Three: Spill all the coffee you can find. Make it epic!! Make it extreme!! Make your co-workers sob!!!

 

Step four: Lick a computer. To make this actually have an effect, do it when someone is watching.

Step five: If you're still not fired, put a cactus in the most unlikely place.

With all this, whoever is reading this is officially fired from any company or agency that I may ever own.

Hi No-one!!! (I think)

Hi!!! How are you? This gotta be my most embarrassing post. I hope--at least. It would be just awful if I wrote another one this horrible. You probably don't know how I look like, so I provided a picture here for your reference.

-By the way, I'm working on a proper customized background for this blog (well I've already drawn it, all I have to do is upload it, which is the hard part, as apparently Google wants me to die of anguish, and this parenthesis is already getting too long. Well it's not like anyone is going to read this anyways so I can be as illiterate as I sugar-whippin want!!!)

-Also, I'll try to post once a week. I'm writing some posts in advance on winter break so for the next month or two, I will be on time.