Give Yourself A Makeover: The Guide

Are you a slob? Or just really sloppy? I hope you are. It would make my whole day. Because I've written a whole post for you!!! Are you grateful? Well, you should be. And if you aren't, then you should go, now and go into the quiet corner until you learn your manners. Oh goodness, stop being so rude!!! STOP IT OR I'LL SLAP YOU!!! There, better. Wait---on your knees. Perfect. Here is a presentation that I made just for you. Aren't you eternally thankful?
Look, I drew a picture for you!!!

 

 I know that this may be a bit hard to digest, but you can't go on like this. I mean, those shoes are just awful!!! But there is a way. Here is what you should first do:

 

Useful Tip: If you don't have hot glue, then use an iron.

Next, you should...

 

Useful Tip: A sharpie is all right, but black cement stays on longer. Can't find black cement??? You can buy it here!!!

Useful Tip: If you can't find Rachel Zoe, then you should probably become a celebrity.

Useful Tip: If you don't know where to get pink dye, just buy a LOT of blue dye, dye it pink, and apply.

 

Useful Tip: Before you get a piranha, you have to make sure it likes you, which is easy. Just stick your hand into a tank in a local aquarium and you will know very soon.

 

Yayyy!!!!!! You are beautiful. Stop blushing, and accept your gorgeousness. Or else, I'll kick you. 

Love,

umm...

(identity crisis going on here)

PLEASE COMMENT!!!! The more comments I get, the more motivation I have to write more posts. (That was a direct message all of you wonderfully drop-dead-gorgeous readers, sponsored by no one because of the economy.)