Shoving Therapy Down People's Throats

Hello. Today, I am going to be your therapist. Yes, I have qualifications. I even have a PhD!!!! You want to see it? Lemme take it out.

See? I'm an expert!!! Now for the direct and personal questions. (Take note of the number of As, Bs, Cs, and Ds you get)

1. How many intimate relationships do you hold?
   (by the way, you can tell me ANYTHING, your girlfriend gives me permission to do so)
   a. One
   b. None
   c. Two and a half
   d. I lost count.
2. Have you ever felt an urge to lick someone's knee?
   a. No.
   b. Once.
   c. Never liked the taste of knees.
   d. No, but now that I think of it, can I lick yours?
3. How much do you weigh? (Don't tell me anything below 250 pounds, I wasn't born yesterday.)
   a. I'd have to shoot you if I told that to you.
   b. I don't weigh myself.
   c. (insert weight here)
   d. 303.3 pounds.
4. Do you shower often?
   a. Yes, I do shower.
   b. Never.
   c. Every day.
   d. I wash every two hours.
5. Is the dot on your nose an injury or just a very large freckle?
   a. Is that a spot on your glasses?
   b. What dot?
   c. A freckle.
   d. It's a beauty mark. That means I'm beautiful.
6. Do you hate anyone?
   a. No.
   b. I can't even imagine hating anyone.
   c. A few people.
   d. Sure
7. Do you think they're worse than even Saddam Hussein? Explain...
   a. Not relevant.
   b. I hate Saddam Hussein I guess, so equal?
   c. Nah.
   d. YES
8. How much vinegar do you consume on a daily basis?
   a. I don't keep track.
   b. I don't eat vinegar.
   c. About two teaspoons.
   d. I drink vinegar.
9. Do you pick your nose?
   a. No. What makes you think that?
   b. Maybe.
   c. Everyone picks their nose.
   d.Yeah.
10. When was the last time you cried? And why?
    a. I don't remember
    b. I always cry, because I'm so sad.
    c. A couple days ago, when my neighbor ran over my mailbox (or another example)
    d. I never cry.
11. Do you enjoy crying?
    a. I don't know.
    b. Yes, it lets my feelings out.
    c. Nah, it makes me feel bad.
    d. I enjoy every part of life so I guess I do?

Great!!! I have enough information to help you fix up your life! Here we go!

If you have mostly A's: You are a murderer. Or at least some sort of outlaw. You were so secretive the whole time, that it's likely that you have a skeleton in the closet. YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON! That's it, I'm calling the police on you, you dirty grimy killer. I hope your ears fall off.

2.If you have mostly B's:You don't care. That's right, the world could go around spinning, and you'd just sit there, doing nothing. It gets hard sometimes so you do cry a bit, but it's alright because no one else cares. I'd give you some advice, but you see, I don't exactly care about you.

3.If you have mostly C's:You are blunt. If you have something to say, you will say it, no matter how your mother winces. It makes some people hate you, but you probably didn't like those people in the first place. I'm going to stop talking, in case you may find something bad to say about me. Sorry, no therapy for you!

4. If you have mostly D's:You have motivation, and do everything with a gusto. That's right!!! You don't just walk through the crowd, you explode through the crowd. People thing you're a schizophrenic. You drink cans and cans of red bull, to keep the caffeine rolling. You are basically an animal, and not just any animal, but a squirrel. And I don't like squirrels, they eat all the acorns. Greedy thing.

 What was your result? Leave it in the comments below!