Sorry for Taking Your Money

Dear Illegal immigrants and Citizens of the United States----and aliens,
There is a tragedy that is about to fall upon our country. No, the tsunami will not hit South Dakota. Nor did Chuck Norris trip over a flower.

I've decided that I'm not running for president anymore.

Now don't cry, oh goodness. I hate it when I make people cry. Wait--- I have an idea. STOP CRYING YOU PANSIES ELSE I LICK YOUR FRONT-DOOR-KNOB. There, that worked. Now before you get all angry, and wax all of my windows, I have a list of excuses to I prepared so I can get off easy. Here you go!


Why I'm Not Running For President:

So I hope I have soothed anyone who planned to rampage my house... If not, just letting you guys know that I live in Washington D.C. in a big white house. Painting it should not be a problem, as long as no one sees you. Lastly, I HATE the color pink. Just sayin...
UPDATED: To those of you who don't live in America, the elephant and donkey are symbols(and colors) of two main opposing  political parties. The white house is where the president traditionally lives. If you have any other questions, or comments, just leave them in the..erm..comments!

Be Scared.

Guess what? It's still January, it's still snowing, and I have midterms to study for. So, rather than make something new, I decided to put up some old things which I drew randomly some times ago.

This one was titled "Floundering Fish." It was something for school, maybe about the harsh conditions of a fisherman's life? Or was it a fish's life?

I don't even own a cat. Nor do any of my friends.

This is something I wanted to put here, but didn't know where to put it.

This is what you look like when you go to hell, I guess. Except you'd probably look a lot sadder.

This one was titled "Benjamin's Big Head"

 Titled "The Pilgrim"
I guess I forgot to add on his hands too?

 

Here's a joke:
Why did the car cross the road?
.
.
.
.
.
Because a blond was in it.

I made up that joke.(that was an apology)

Thanks for reading! (And if you'd be considerate enough to drop a comment by the way... to show me that you exist, you know)

Give Yourself A Makeover: The Guide

Are you a slob? Or just really sloppy? I hope you are. It would make my whole day. Because I've written a whole post for you!!! Are you grateful? Well, you should be. And if you aren't, then you should go, now and go into the quiet corner until you learn your manners. Oh goodness, stop being so rude!!! STOP IT OR I'LL SLAP YOU!!! There, better. Wait---on your knees. Perfect. Here is a presentation that I made just for you. Aren't you eternally thankful?
Look, I drew a picture for you!!!

 

 I know that this may be a bit hard to digest, but you can't go on like this. I mean, those shoes are just awful!!! But there is a way. Here is what you should first do:

 

Useful Tip: If you don't have hot glue, then use an iron.

Next, you should...

 

Useful Tip: A sharpie is all right, but black cement stays on longer. Can't find black cement??? You can buy it here!!!

Useful Tip: If you can't find Rachel Zoe, then you should probably become a celebrity.

Useful Tip: If you don't know where to get pink dye, just buy a LOT of blue dye, dye it pink, and apply.

 

Useful Tip: Before you get a piranha, you have to make sure it likes you, which is easy. Just stick your hand into a tank in a local aquarium and you will know very soon.

 

Yayyy!!!!!! You are beautiful. Stop blushing, and accept your gorgeousness. Or else, I'll kick you. 

Love,

umm...

(identity crisis going on here)

PLEASE COMMENT!!!! The more comments I get, the more motivation I have to write more posts. (That was a direct message all of you wonderfully drop-dead-gorgeous readers, sponsored by no one because of the economy.)