I am a Very Responsible and Mature (for a not very responsible or mature person)

Hi! So about the lack of post last week... Well you see, I had a breakdown. I couldn't do so much. Apparently, my job is taking over my life. You want my schedule? Well, you're going to get it whether you want it or not. First, I work all day until five. Then, I eat. Then, I run until seven. After that, I procrastinate until ten. YOU SEE MY DESPERATION???

{*part of text removed*}

You're welcome. But really, I'm just feeling soooo out of it and everything. I definitely need inspiration. It takes FOREVER to draw some pictures, and I wasn't really enjoying it last time.

Therefore, from now on, I'm going to focus more on the humor part of this blog. You see, I tend to make better posts if I had fun in making them!

About the last post, I'll finish the story when I feel more up to it because I simply cannot just sit down for hours doing something that is unproductive and that I don't enjoy doing. I'M SO SORRY *bursts out into sobs* Emotional? Infantile? You must be describing another person.

In the meantime, enjoy this free-lance drawing that I drew to express my frustration:

How to Make Children Love You

Have you had a bad experience with children? Are you trying to make your way in life? Or maybe you are a soon-to-be teacher/mother/juvenile jailor who wants to learn how to gain a child's trust? You have come to the right place. Sit down, sit down. Now, I just want to mention that I know you by heart already. I've drawn a picture of you even before I met you!

As you may not have noticed, the children simply don't notice you. You can easily change that by following these easy steps:

Step One:

That's right! Make an entrance!


Step Two:

Step 3:

Step 4:

 

Step 5:

 

All kids love Elmo. Period.

Now that you are prepared, let us try these methods out.

EXCELLENT!!! Success!!! Except one, very very important thing, which is my fault. I forgot to tell you this EXTREMELY useful tip, which will make children be obsessed with you forever and ever...

Now that you are truly prepared, I officially present you to the public. You are not only equipped for small little situations, that is too amateurish for the likes of you. No, you are ready to perform. So many doors are opened! You can go on Broadway, visit schools, and even perform in circuses! You can  fight crime, even change the world. I better stop before I get too emotional. See you next week!

You Asked For This

Previously, I wrote a post with an illustrated poem in it. At the end of it, I asked for your feedback on whether I should do another post like that. An overwhelming response (two versus zero) told me to do more. So here I go, shoving more bad poetry into all of your throats. Enjoy!

A Sock Story (warning:bad rhyming)

Once upon a long time ago

I once had a pair,

of socks that needed more stitches

than any other pair.

They did not seem to be much loved

among the other socks.

In fact, they were regarded as

the lowest of all socks.

But then one day they took a tumble

down upon the floor.

They were the first of the whole bunch

to touch the spotless floor.

They stood in awe, in shock, in fear

of what they had just had done.

I picked them up and gave a glare---

they thought their tale was done.

But then, I next, just put them back,

ensuring their new fame.

The other socks now gathered round

and made them feel their fame.

“What happ--” “What's there?” “And what surprise?”

so clamored all the rabble.

“We fell.”, “The floor.”, “Nothing special.”

replied them to the rabble.

 

And thus the noises met their end;

the crowd then cleared away.

The two socks back to what they were;

their moment gone away.

 I'll do the same thing as before- there will be a vote. If you "like" this post, it means you want more poetry. If you "dislike," then I won't do it. 

The reason why I'm doing this is because poetry that people actually like is kind of rare and I'm not sure if my current readers would like this. And I'm insecure.  Also, these posts take a REALLY long time to make. So I might not have the time to make one until my next vacation, despite the votes. Here goes!

I Wrote A Poem About A Turtle And I Want You To Read It

I am basically Aristotle and Shakespeare put together. And Picasso. Wondering what on Earth I am talking about? Well that just adds to the mysterious effect. I present to you, voila!

The Story Of the Turtle:

Once there lived a turtle

whose life was very hard

he worked to collect garbage

to bring to the junkyard.

 

He wanted an adventure

he wanted a new life

and one day quit his job

(his boss was his ex-wife).

 

"Excuse me?" said the woman

"After all I've given?

I let you keep this job

I helped you make a livin'."

"And after all those years?

I've given you so much!

I tried to help you out,

you hard ungrateful wretch!"

 

The man just stood there still,

he never said a word,

as he stroked his beard,

listening to her.

 

The boss she raved and fumed.

He felt no pain or shame!

No shred of small regret,

for what he just explained.

 

She raved and fumed and screamed

her anger now unfolded

she yelled and stamped her feet

and then---she then exploded.

 

Her bits flew in the air,

to travel many places.

All around the state,

hitting people's faces.

 

The turtle was a hero,

for punishing the shrew.

The mayor of the city

made him a statue.

 

The people flocked together,

to catch a little glimpse,

of the mentioned turtle,

once a pauper now a prince.

 If you would like to see more poems like this, click on the like button. If not, click on the dislike button. If you are too lazy to click the mouse, then I cannot help you.