I Wrote A Poem About A Turtle And I Want You To Read It

I am basically Aristotle and Shakespeare put together. And Picasso. Wondering what on Earth I am talking about? Well that just adds to the mysterious effect. I present to you, voila!

The Story Of the Turtle:

Once there lived a turtle

whose life was very hard

he worked to collect garbage

to bring to the junkyard.

 

He wanted an adventure

he wanted a new life

and one day quit his job

(his boss was his ex-wife).

 

"Excuse me?" said the woman

"After all I've given?

I let you keep this job

I helped you make a livin'."

"And after all those years?

I've given you so much!

I tried to help you out,

you hard ungrateful wretch!"

 

The man just stood there still,

he never said a word,

as he stroked his beard,

listening to her.

 

The boss she raved and fumed.

He felt no pain or shame!

No shred of small regret,

for what he just explained.

 

She raved and fumed and screamed

her anger now unfolded

she yelled and stamped her feet

and then---she then exploded.

 

Her bits flew in the air,

to travel many places.

All around the state,

hitting people's faces.

 

The turtle was a hero,

for punishing the shrew.

The mayor of the city

made him a statue.

 

The people flocked together,

to catch a little glimpse,

of the mentioned turtle,

once a pauper now a prince.

 If you would like to see more poems like this, click on the like button. If not, click on the dislike button. If you are too lazy to click the mouse, then I cannot help you.

Sorry for Taking Your Money

Dear Illegal immigrants and Citizens of the United States----and aliens,
There is a tragedy that is about to fall upon our country. No, the tsunami will not hit South Dakota. Nor did Chuck Norris trip over a flower.

I've decided that I'm not running for president anymore.

Now don't cry, oh goodness. I hate it when I make people cry. Wait--- I have an idea. STOP CRYING YOU PANSIES ELSE I LICK YOUR FRONT-DOOR-KNOB. There, that worked. Now before you get all angry, and wax all of my windows, I have a list of excuses to I prepared so I can get off easy. Here you go!


Why I'm Not Running For President:

So I hope I have soothed anyone who planned to rampage my house... If not, just letting you guys know that I live in Washington D.C. in a big white house. Painting it should not be a problem, as long as no one sees you. Lastly, I HATE the color pink. Just sayin...
UPDATED: To those of you who don't live in America, the elephant and donkey are symbols(and colors) of two main opposing  political parties. The white house is where the president traditionally lives. If you have any other questions, or comments, just leave them in the..erm..comments!

I Want to Be President

Vote me for President of the US in 2012! (before you get all worked up, here is the disclaimer. I'm not actually running for president and you wouldn't find me on the ballot. This is just me trying to make myself feel big. Just bear with me here) Here are some campaign posters that I drew up. Print them out and tape them everywhere, America would surely appreciate it!

Here's the official campaign motto: "If you hate everyone else, might as well vote for me!"

An Education Reform Package

Hello, people of the United States. Recently, we have heard of major changes going on in the education systems of a few states, such as New Jersey. Some were controversial and some were not. In order to maximize our system to the best that it could be, I have a few suggestions to make. Forget suggestions, I have a whole system to shove into your throats! Before you close this window, I'd better force you into seeing as much of it as you could!!!

Here is our system as it is today:

Here are some rules I have thought of for classrooms across the US:

 

With the installation of these rules, this is how the average American classroom would look like:

THIS IS ALL A ONLY A PART OF WHAT I PLAN TO DO TO THIS COUNTRY WHEN I BECOME PRESIDENT. VOTE ESTHER!!!!
(This is the part when you all start an intellectual debate)